Make yourself at home

||   This weekend we were able to move into our very own flat! I’m no expert at being outwardly expressive but on the inside I’ve been beaming with joy! Amidst the joy however has been this consistent state of shock on how it can be that we have such an incredible place to host with, to find happiness in, to make our own. 

Coincidently this occurrence has inspired me to new insightful heights. 

Our dream is to open our doors to the sound of friendships strengthening and the feeling of togetherness deepening. We hope everyone feels welcome upon arrival and safe and secure while they’re here.

Finally having a place to host brought to my mind the process of how when you arrive as a guest you’re often instantly told to ‘make yourself at home’ which is essentially a kind suggestion at heart but a bit of an awkward one in all actually. I usually respond with a closed mouth smile and nod combo followed up with thoughts in my head like “What does that even mean?” and  “Do they seriously want me to throw my feet up on the couch and empty their fridge?” and then usually conclude with something like, “Yeahhh, I’m probs just gonna sit here with my hands crossed and not touching anything…”. And unless you’re one of the few truly bold and crazy brave, you most likely relate with me and still feel a sense of hesitation to taking them up on their offer.

So why do we hold back? What’s the true issue? Why do I sit there having a full blown conversation with myself over this? Also, why are my palms are starting to feel clammy.. 

I’d argue it comes down to an issue of vulnerability and the resistance that follows that concept. Home is where you look your worst (or at least it’s where I do)! It’s where you’re sweat pants from 1998 come out to play, where potentially your polite manners slip out the bay window and where last night’s makeup becomes this morning’s rude awakening. And all this isn’t even a bad thing! It’s your home, it’s where you SHOULD feel most comfortable but if you were to act in this other person’s home like you do in your own, Lord knows it’d be a scene! It’d be you, vulnerable and true and in our current society flow, vulnerability is a no-go. Pressures all around us say we’re meant to 'show our best and hide the rest' and I’m guilty of slipping into this habit myself!

Inspired by this, today I decided to start a second Instagram page directly linked to my blog as a place for me to creatively ‘make myself at home’. So many times I overthink what I want to post, say, let people see, but this account will finally strictly serve me and I don’t mean that in a selfish way but more so in a necessary way to help me move forward towards who I am fully meant to be. 

I hope I can expose my more timid side, the parts of me that are afraid of not being fully understood by strangers or even friends. It will serve as a safe space for me to explore artistically and challenge myself in my craft  – anything will go! Of course another instagram page isn’t going to settle all my fears but it will help me face them.

If you’re theoretically holding back from ‘making yourself at home’ in any area of your life I would encourage you to push through and choose vulnerability! You have something special to offer to the world that sincerely only YOU can bring! We need more people who are beautifully expressive, undoubtedly free and truly comfortable with themselves and the way they were made to be. We spend HOURS day dreaming we had someone else’s lifestyle, that girl’s beach body or some guy’s booming career when all the while it’s quite clear that what we already possess is better than the rest because it’s unique to you, it's only yours.

This will be a journey but join me.

Go get up close and comfortable with who you are..

Make yourself at home.   ||

Hold tight and let go

||   These days as of late have been all so colorful. The mix of time-demanding tasks and obligations together with intermittent moments of pure bliss, have further confirmed that the longer we live here, the more I fall slow but steadily more in love.

This weekend we journey to our third place of residence in only 6 short months! Each home we've nestled into has somehow been better than the last and we have nothing to give but endless thanks to all who have been a part.

We're also in the process of searching out a legal way to stay in the UK for another year which as you can imagine is a regular summer breeze. This has brought along its own case of nervousness and general altogether FREAK OUT sessions at the thought of not knowing where we'll be 5 months from now. However, it's all part of the adventure... or so I'm told :)

These two pressing matters alone give me the urge to grip, grab, grasp, HOLD onto something, anything really, both emotionally and literally.

In fact recently I was with a friend in a nerve-racking situation and realized quickly that I'm the type who in moments of uncertainty, needs to hold onto something to help deal. Based on real life events the story goes on that as my friend and I were driving, about to face the odds, I'm in the passenger seat cluelessly clenching the hand break like it's my literal day job. My mind is racing, my heart is pacing and my hand is glued to that break.

Interestingly enough, this kind of reaction is not far from how I react internally to many of life's trying and uncomfortable moments.

Where's life's hand break?
How can I be in control at all times?
What can I grab onto when things seem unstable?

I'd choose control over chaos any day- no doubt! And in my current situation I could run savage with concerning thoughts and debilitating doubts but equally I'm convinced there's really no point. Holding that hand break didn't make me more in control of that moment nor will it do so now. In fact, if anything it made it harder for my friend to actually drive!

As much as I'd like to pretend I am, the truth is that I'm not even in the driver seat of my own life yet I play out most days with my hand fastened to the break just for control's sake. I'm learning (for the 53rd time) that the sooner I let go and let the driver drive, the smoother this journey will be.

I don't know if we'll get approved for another visa. I don't know if we'll be here in 5 months time or if we'll be bags-packed-no-looking-back! One thing I do know however is that I'm not in control and contrary to my own popular belief, that's a very good and encouraging thing!

I've got to, we've got to, let go of that hand break and let life ride! And for the record, this is definitely the cheesiest analogy I've ever used in writing a blog post and I can't even take the cheese credit for originating the concept but it's helped me put life that much more into perspective and perspective is worth the embarrassment.

So I guess hold on; because life will be wild but let go and be flexible because we weren't meant to be in constant control.

Hold tight and let go yo.   ||