|| Over the recent weeks, I have felt more alive and more hopeful than I have in a long while. This isn't to say there haven't been tough times because in fact, I'm right in the thick of an incredibly busy time at work as well as unsure as ever about where we'll be living or what we'll be doing come September. Yet somehow, I feel like the best version of myself to date and have to thank a few factors that have contributed to this newfound glory.
Without going into terrible detail, since my teen years I have dealt deeply with depression and anxiety and although it's taken on different forms and seen various trials and triumphs over the years, it is something that I regularly battle but every day hope to find healing from.
It's interesting though, how as mortals we kick into survival mode more than we probably even realize. While dealing with this situation, it has always been me striving to fix myself and seeing the same good intended attempts from the loving people around me. Out of sincere kindness and concern I've been advised to the left, right, upside down and back again in an effort to jump this huge hurdle. And after years of articles, coffee and accountability, sermons, medication, prayers, hugs and tears, I'm sitting here typing a blog post and feeling like the best version of myself so far not in spite of all those remedies but in a culmination of them working together while also recently including a hugely vital yet somehow underestimated thing I've been missing until now:
Value
It's not been for long that I've realized that the absent ingredient to my formula of solution over my life was having a real sense of value for myself. This isn't exactly surprising since the basis of depression is self-deprecation but suddenly it's become all too clear how I've charged at my condition from the perspective that I need to fix something not because it's simply broken but furthermore because it's worthless and on its way to becoming a complete lost cause.
For example, let's say you broke your leg. Would you just cut it off and do without it, saying since it's broken it's basically useless and not worth saving or would you actually get a cast and physical therapy because you see its value, its potential, its still worth! I'd say let's aim for the latter but it's been in correlation to this analogy that I've been thinking from a wrong perspective!
It's important for me to mention that I've not been able to come across this recent discovery alone. Thanks to the love of dear friends who have spoken value to my soul, I've been able to see myself differently or better yet, accurately. Depression makes you feel misunderstood, isolated, unseen. But as of late, things have been drawn out from me again, dreams feel okay to dream and I feel okay being me!
When people set out to see you, you see change and when you yourself choose to see people as individuals and value them through that, they see change.
I can only speak from my own experience but because of some deeply dedicated friends who have not let me out of their sight and consistently showered me with value and the truth of my worth, I am here today at my very best yet.
Don't underestimate the power of being seen and your ability to see. There may be others out there struggling with a similar thing but through the unconditional persistence of a brave few, I know this has changed sincerely everything for me.
I hope neither you or even I continue to live this life as unseen. There's far too much beauty, talent, charisma and depth for us not to recognize in one another daily. See things, see others and press on yourself, knowing you too are seen. ||