Make yourself at home

||   This weekend we were able to move into our very own flat! I’m no expert at being outwardly expressive but on the inside I’ve been beaming with joy! Amidst the joy however has been this consistent state of shock on how it can be that we have such an incredible place to host with, to find happiness in, to make our own. 

Coincidently this occurrence has inspired me to new insightful heights. 

Our dream is to open our doors to the sound of friendships strengthening and the feeling of togetherness deepening. We hope everyone feels welcome upon arrival and safe and secure while they’re here.

Finally having a place to host brought to my mind the process of how when you arrive as a guest you’re often instantly told to ‘make yourself at home’ which is essentially a kind suggestion at heart but a bit of an awkward one in all actually. I usually respond with a closed mouth smile and nod combo followed up with thoughts in my head like “What does that even mean?” and  “Do they seriously want me to throw my feet up on the couch and empty their fridge?” and then usually conclude with something like, “Yeahhh, I’m probs just gonna sit here with my hands crossed and not touching anything…”. And unless you’re one of the few truly bold and crazy brave, you most likely relate with me and still feel a sense of hesitation to taking them up on their offer.

So why do we hold back? What’s the true issue? Why do I sit there having a full blown conversation with myself over this? Also, why are my palms are starting to feel clammy.. 

I’d argue it comes down to an issue of vulnerability and the resistance that follows that concept. Home is where you look your worst (or at least it’s where I do)! It’s where you’re sweat pants from 1998 come out to play, where potentially your polite manners slip out the bay window and where last night’s makeup becomes this morning’s rude awakening. And all this isn’t even a bad thing! It’s your home, it’s where you SHOULD feel most comfortable but if you were to act in this other person’s home like you do in your own, Lord knows it’d be a scene! It’d be you, vulnerable and true and in our current society flow, vulnerability is a no-go. Pressures all around us say we’re meant to 'show our best and hide the rest' and I’m guilty of slipping into this habit myself!

Inspired by this, today I decided to start a second Instagram page directly linked to my blog as a place for me to creatively ‘make myself at home’. So many times I overthink what I want to post, say, let people see, but this account will finally strictly serve me and I don’t mean that in a selfish way but more so in a necessary way to help me move forward towards who I am fully meant to be. 

I hope I can expose my more timid side, the parts of me that are afraid of not being fully understood by strangers or even friends. It will serve as a safe space for me to explore artistically and challenge myself in my craft  – anything will go! Of course another instagram page isn’t going to settle all my fears but it will help me face them.

If you’re theoretically holding back from ‘making yourself at home’ in any area of your life I would encourage you to push through and choose vulnerability! You have something special to offer to the world that sincerely only YOU can bring! We need more people who are beautifully expressive, undoubtedly free and truly comfortable with themselves and the way they were made to be. We spend HOURS day dreaming we had someone else’s lifestyle, that girl’s beach body or some guy’s booming career when all the while it’s quite clear that what we already possess is better than the rest because it’s unique to you, it's only yours.

This will be a journey but join me.

Go get up close and comfortable with who you are..

Make yourself at home.   ||

Hold tight and let go

||   These days as of late have been all so colorful. The mix of time-demanding tasks and obligations together with intermittent moments of pure bliss, have further confirmed that the longer we live here, the more I fall slow but steadily more in love.

This weekend we journey to our third place of residence in only 6 short months! Each home we've nestled into has somehow been better than the last and we have nothing to give but endless thanks to all who have been a part.

We're also in the process of searching out a legal way to stay in the UK for another year which as you can imagine is a regular summer breeze. This has brought along its own case of nervousness and general altogether FREAK OUT sessions at the thought of not knowing where we'll be 5 months from now. However, it's all part of the adventure... or so I'm told :)

These two pressing matters alone give me the urge to grip, grab, grasp, HOLD onto something, anything really, both emotionally and literally.

In fact recently I was with a friend in a nerve-racking situation and realized quickly that I'm the type who in moments of uncertainty, needs to hold onto something to help deal. Based on real life events the story goes on that as my friend and I were driving, about to face the odds, I'm in the passenger seat cluelessly clenching the hand break like it's my literal day job. My mind is racing, my heart is pacing and my hand is glued to that break.

Interestingly enough, this kind of reaction is not far from how I react internally to many of life's trying and uncomfortable moments.

Where's life's hand break?
How can I be in control at all times?
What can I grab onto when things seem unstable?

I'd choose control over chaos any day- no doubt! And in my current situation I could run savage with concerning thoughts and debilitating doubts but equally I'm convinced there's really no point. Holding that hand break didn't make me more in control of that moment nor will it do so now. In fact, if anything it made it harder for my friend to actually drive!

As much as I'd like to pretend I am, the truth is that I'm not even in the driver seat of my own life yet I play out most days with my hand fastened to the break just for control's sake. I'm learning (for the 53rd time) that the sooner I let go and let the driver drive, the smoother this journey will be.

I don't know if we'll get approved for another visa. I don't know if we'll be here in 5 months time or if we'll be bags-packed-no-looking-back! One thing I do know however is that I'm not in control and contrary to my own popular belief, that's a very good and encouraging thing!

I've got to, we've got to, let go of that hand break and let life ride! And for the record, this is definitely the cheesiest analogy I've ever used in writing a blog post and I can't even take the cheese credit for originating the concept but it's helped me put life that much more into perspective and perspective is worth the embarrassment.

So I guess hold on; because life will be wild but let go and be flexible because we weren't meant to be in constant control.

Hold tight and let go yo.   ||

Texture tales

||   Texture. I just can't turn my eyes away when I sight it. In France almost every wall was consumed with layers and layers of texture due to old ruins being remade or just plain old age.

Ask my husband, he couldn't figure out why in the midst of France I was taking photos of old walls but the thing that drew me to taking snapshots of walls over selfies in front of tourist buildings was the mystery, that potential story.


What is the history here?
When do these bricks, that paint date back to?
How many years, hands and eyes have been laid here?

What you see is somehow not what you get.

In many ways I see myself in the same sense as a ever evolving textured wall. I too am made up of years of wear and tear, of scraps and chips but all together in the end, I make up something unique because of it and so do you. I wouldn't be true without the layers of life I've had to live through. Weathering through the storms, touch ups and graffiti are all me. Sometimes I wish I could do demolition on myself, completely start over and live as a fully remodeled self while simultaneously forgetting my originality and where I started from. It's only just now, at 27 going on 28, that I'm learning to let myself live on. Each struggle I face, every victory thats made, translates to another layer, another coat of paint showing my progression.

I want to be everything I've ever been and continue to be. Do you? I've made many mistakes and gone down roads wrongly but when people get to know me, I want them to know everything that makes me, me.

They say only time will tell but I think time builds texture and texture tells the truth.

Face value is shallow but those layers beneath, they are primitive and primitively priceless.   ||

Gold

||   It's Christmas, we're in France... What is this life? A continual conundrum of undeservedness, that's what. To say we're grateful would be a massively poor understatement.

The wine here, I think they sprinkle magic pixie dust into it to make it flawless. The cheese? pa-lease! No need to explain that one. And lest we not forget the pastas and grains in this place. Fresh baked bread and perfectly pressed pasta calling my name and claiming it's home securely on my hips.

France, I'm a sucker and you are gettin' me good.

So we've settled that the food is gorg and all but what's the real gold in traveling? I'd make the plea that it's ironically the same gold that every place possesses.. its people.

We don't know a lick of french and it's actually pathetic. I've found french to be a stunning language and even try to prep what I'm going to say each time before we go out. Sadly, as soon as I'm face to face with the chance I forget that having a true conversation would mean me also understanding what THEY'RE saying (naturally). Then you do that stupid thing where you revert back to just speaking english and oh how the eye rolls follow but can I just tell you that one of my most favorite moments was also one of my most embarrassing? Which, if you know me at all, you know this is the exact opposite of how I equate a favorite moment in my mind.

We're staying in a quant village called Gignac. The streets are straight up from every stereotypical scene of France you could imagine in your mind only better by tens of thousands. We're having a stroll around our neighborhood and like overly obvious tourists we're taking photos of doors and floors galore. I walk by this precious elderly lady, who sees Dustin taking photos which to her, are of absolutely nothing. She then, matching up only barely past my shoulders, grabs me, hugs me by the side and says some paragraph in french, giggling and smiling fields wide. I wanted nothing more than to participate in return but cowardly I chose to nod my head as engagingly as possible in a desperate attempt to pull off understanding her. She was so friendly, so warm and we were sharing such a sweet moment that I couldn't sober it dry by acknowledging the language barrier when in all actuality she was speaking ever so clearly.

They say actions speak louder than words and I'd even protest that actions speak louder than languages. We've had our fair share of confusion even trying to understand certain phrases from our friends in England but what we never have failed to interpret is a smile, a passing nod, a warm and impressing comical hug. Sure, the tastes and spirits here are divine but when you see kids playing football down a side alley way, you meet a shop owner who helps you pick out a small christmas plant that will soon die anyway or you exchange an embrace with a innocently trusting and utterly precious elderly soul you realize once again that the gold in every place, in every state, country and continent, is indeed it's people.

So Merry Christmas to all you people! It's you that makes this world shine like gold. You being you, enjoying a moment with some stranger could change their entire experience of a place. It doesn't have to be for two crazy tourists either. Let it be a mutual late night grocery store shopper, a fellow dog lover at the park, an old colleague, that person who you know takes the same train as you everyday but that you've never spoken to. I want to make other people feel and remember what that little old lady made me feel and remember on that day. I want to make other people feel like gold.

Because what do you get when you add gold to gold?
You get rich.

And in the words of my brother-from-another-mother Mr. 50 Cent..

"Get rich or die trying"

Word, fitt-y, word.    ||

Daniel Gregory Natale

||   I'm typically a skeptic and unbeliever in the idea of love at first sight but when I came across this article on Daniel Gregory Natale, I could not help but convert my beliefs. I've always been melted by the use of mixed media in any way. I love the contrast of dark and light, of harsh and delicate, and smooth to textured and this collection has it all.

When I say I love fashion, I often feel embarrassed by what follows that thought. It's not that I love the idea of getting ready or buying name brands and then linking people to my "OOTD" but more that I am truly enamored by the creativity behind mindful fashion. The stories, the inspiration, the moodboards, the emotions, the birthplace of it all. There are so many wildly creative people in the world and when their work shows their vulnerability I can't help but fall in love.


That being said, you should really go see this for yourself by clicking here. Read what Gregory has to say and view the rest of the stunning collection he's created. I'll be over here exploding with heart eye emojis..   ||

Celebrate good times, come on'

||   Last week was the glorious american holiday that is Thanksgiving! It was our first time not being in the states and it feel like it. The strangest thing is when this day that you've celebrated for 27 years suddenly becomes a normal Thursday?! It just felt wrong.

Thankfully (no pun intended) some of our friends have an american relative and kindly invited us over for a Thanksgiving lunch on Saturday! Sweet potato and marshmallows, get in ma' belly..

One thing I've come to admire about this day (besides the carbs of course) is how it brings us all back together in a physical sense and also in an retrospective one. Sure, life is rough don't I know it too, but all across the country it's at the very least understood that on this day we all should sit and search out something we have to be thankful for.

Walking around on a rainy Thursday afternoon, no turkey, no pumpkin pie, no watching (american) football or the Macy's parade in my stretchy pants, no family plans, no getting a christmas tree from the woods as per tradition, no turkey coma, no normal nothing. My husband and I, we'd only just started to build up our holiday traditions and then just three years in we're already off breaking them..

Needless to say, almost every part of my being wanted to play pity party all day but ironically that in itself defeats the purpose of what the day offers. I'd like to think we're all consistently waking up thankful and content but until that becomes a reality, having a day that reminds us to all stop and say thanks is better than nothing.

But to be thankful, does that mean to be passive and unhindered by the questionable things of life? I don't believe so. To me, to be thankful is to be deliberate despite your circumstances. It was simpler to be thankful when the day was handed to me, we were surrounded by our family and food and all was precious and slow but what about when you're in a different place with different people and nothing, literally nothing is as it was? What then? Then, is when you give thanks all the same.

So with my hands held high not out of ease but out of reverence, trust and faith, I gave my thanks and aim to give it day by day. All that I am and have is more than I'm owed or deserve and that's surely something worth celebrating.   ||

Chasing Daylight

||   Traveled into peculiar little Shoreditch yesterday to meet a lovely instagram friend face to face. Puts me continually in awe of God's ability to architect our paths when I run across moments like this where a 26 yr old girl from Vancouver, Cananda moves to London in faith while simultaneously a 27yr old girl from Montana, says yes to packing up and adventuring with her husband to London. And although settling into new homes and countries got the best of both our schedules, we finally found a way to meet!

We planned to snap a few shots, coffee of course, peek into a local shop and then church later. London transportation delays got the best of us but we did still manage to acquire a few images as we chased the daylight down.

Corina is a brilliant photographer by trade and by nature. Her eye for emotion comes out in such a simple way through her photos. She's timeless and full of effortless taste. It really was an honor to be a subject of her talent. See it all for yourself here!

Overall, we had a short but sweet time - one that I'll hold dear to my heart. London is making an impression on me.   ||